Year of the hot Bia

Hello Bias! Long time no talk. My new years resolution for 2009 was to get hot. This is no simple task as it takes hard work and dedication. During the day at work I am limited to grapefruit slices and water. My fellow Bia, Ashley, sometimes witnesses me running to Shoppers Drug Mart for chocolate and hisses at me when she sees me sneak it in my mouth. I am so satisfied when I put that creamy goodness in my mouth but afterward the only feeling I have is guilt. PHUNG.

My ideal night activities consist of watching Wheel of Fortune, making salad and exercising. I usually put the iTunes on and then its over from there. Spice Girls just make me want to dance. When dance, I want to drink. When I drink I usually end up rolling on the ground making peace signs in the air and taking pictures of myself. The last two nights I have managed to actually do some routines to my new workout dvds but had to comprimise by having wine at the same time. A 5 lb weight in one hand and a heavy glass filled to the rim in the other.

Weeee! All this working out must be actually doing something because my muscles are starting to get sore. Well Peace out I'm hitting the sack if I can make it. If not, my exercise mat will do.

Not a complete asshole but still worthy of that label.

I question why some people must jump on every single trend there is and feel the need to wear them ALL in the same outfit. Phung. Those are the nastiest boots I've ever seen and why would you buy tights like that?? (don't laugh at me if I'm wearing them next week). I understand that she is 16 but she has all the money in the world and she should have a stylist who realizes that she is too young to know who Iron Maiden is. Heck- I barely know who they are.

She needs to stop making children's movies and go snuggle with her dad some more (puke)..... and get her mouth fixed.

Can I buy a vowel, Pat?

On my list of things to do before I die is to be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune. I friggin LOVE this show. The only gameshow better than than this is The Price is Right- and in third place is Jeopardy. I kick butt every time I watch and I don't understand how the dumbass people don't get it right as soon as the category comes up. The obese Americans ALWAYS waste their spins on stupid constanants like "X" or another letter that is highly unlikely to appear. Anyway, one day I'm going to be on there and I hope everyone watches it as I roll in the cash at the end of the show when Pat opens the special $100,000 envelope. woot woot!!!

XO

Military Bias

Mundane Monday

Not the most exciting day ever, so I don't have much to say but don't fret I have pictures, pictures and more pictures to put up!!!

WEE!

I will do my best to entertain you even on the slowest of days.
Jeeze- I may go have to make a gin & tonic.

Love you Bitches xoxoxoxo

Self-Explanitory

I could eat Thai Express everyday of my life if it didn't make me want to kill myself directly after.

Self-Explanitory

YOU RUINED MY COOKIES!!!!

Mr. Christie 4 LIFE!

So tonight I was so excited to make cookies for the first time since moving into my new pad. I thought that I would be able to impress my new co-workers with the special treats that I baked. Before starting up on the cookie project I thought I'd get my ironing out of the way. I got through one leg of ironing my pants when all the power went off in my kitchen. Phung! So I called my landlord to cry and he drove all the way over and it turns out it was just a button I had to hit on the power bar (I felt like such a doof). Next, I threw on my polka-dot apron and sat my matching oven mitts aside for later. I pulled out my receipe book and stood it on the counter. I mixed up this magical concoction of Skor toffee bits and dark chocolate chips in my pretty mixing bowls, rolled out the cookies on my non-stick trays and placed them in the oven while setting the timer. After I followed all the directions, the oven timer dinged and I went to retrieve my cookies. They were friggin burnt to a crisp!!! PHUNGGGG! I am never baking again. This happens to me almost everytime.

Mr. Christie is the only person who makes good cookies in this house.

I Love This Game!

I'd Rather:

Be in a mental institution for being too crazy than be too boring
Be known for doing something great and average looking than be drop dead beautiful
Be an African princess than a Jewish princess
Be funny rather than smart
Be beautiful and poor than rich and ugly
Have invisible superpowers than have flying superpowers

When I finally decide to grow up- ugh!

What I want to be when I grow up:

a dictator
a fashion designer
a gold digger
a mother of 10 children - obviously C-section (and no red heads)
a comic book creator
a hot bitch
a guitar player
and most importantly....... FAMOUS!!

What I'll probably be:

a tractor buyer for Sears

Friday Night Po-Po Lights

So Friday night I convinced myself that it would be a great idea to get arrested.

After pocketing a bottle of beer from The "Brunny" I walked outside outside only to find the most attractive police officers I've ever seen. Usually my beer goggles are wrong but I truely belive that these cops were men dropped down from heaven. I started hitting on them and I got ditched by my friend who screamed as she ran down the street that her father makes bombs. lol- dumbass. I drunkenly without one ounce of shame asked the men if they wouldn't mind throwing me on the hood of the car and arresting me. They told me I hadn't done anything wrong. I said "not yet" and pulled out my beer and went to take a sip. They told me it was illegal and I said I didn't care. "Well" they told me, "the only way you're going to get away with this is if you chug that beer right now in one go". I tilted that delicious beer bottom up and chugged like I've never chugged before. Beer pouring down my body and into my hair, the cops laughed and pedestrians took evidence with their camera phones. I passed the empty bottle off to a homeless man and took off for a chicken schwarma.

Wee!

That was part one of that story but I'll save the other part for another time.

(oh, and those two sexy girls are Nina and Michelle. I'm not sure what part of that night they witnessed but I decided to draw them in anyways. I love you bitches! )

Yos and Blows, Yes' and Nos

:)
gossiping
comics
randomness
fashion
drawing
laughing out loud
judging
worst quality tinny tasting apple juice. The cheaper, the better.
text messaging
ben & jerry's
one liners
my bias
inappropriate behaviour
cashmere
prank calls
cowboy boots
gin & tonic
dirty dancing
spandex
bridget jones
_______________________________________

:(
selfishness
spiders
olives
allergies
green jello
simple people
new world order
rats
terrorists
assholes
waking up before my alarm clock
posers
pancakes stacked too high
braggers
boring-ness
nickelback & mariah carey
liars
conformers
cold
life wasters

I don't wanna work, wanna bang on my drums all day!

I'll just take a brief moment to introduce to you The Bias. From far left we have B.I.T, middle- (me) BIA and on the right we have Bo Peep.

We thought we'd give the music business a try, and after kicking ass in RockBand 1 and 2, we ultimately decided that this career is going to bring us to the top.

Our strong music backgrounds really have helped in the creation of The Bias. B.I.T and I have been rocking out since we were young'ns. "On Top of Spaghetti" almost got us gold at our elementary school talent show. I was belting those high notes that everyone thought only the Bee Gees could produce while B.I.T was so into it with her organ that she had to stand as she played. Bo Peep found out she should have gotten into music a little earlier in life but at a wedding she attended a couple years back, she felt the need to drink her way through the evening. Wine glass after wine glass appeared at her seat, after quite a few she decided to be DJ Mix-A-Lot and spin some tunes from the rims of the half full glasses. Nobody knew she had it in her. The bride and groom switched their first dance from Etta James' classic "At Last" to the wine glass wedding song. She has been mixing it up ever since and has gotten many calls to do gigs.

Welcome Bitches!

I'd like to welcome everybody to my new blog. Please upgrade your computer chair to a Lazyboy, sit back, and relax as you will find yourself here more than you may intend.

I will promise you as Queen Bia, there will be many compromising photos, inappropriate humour, bitterness, love, and overall a fun and happy place (as long as you are not the asshole of the day) where you will spend hours at a time laughing until you pee. Pop open a bottle of red wine, change into your spandex and get comfy because this is where you'll be on your Saturday nights!